Member Testimonials

My name is Ian, and I have been in recovery from substance misuse since July 3rd 2018. I found it really hard to begin with and have had many struggles throughout my time in recovery.

I staggered into recovery broken, not thinking there was life beyond the existence I was just living. I had attempted to commit suicide several times but couldn't go through with it. I found clean and sober life hard and struggled through the mornings and days.

For some reason, I missed the life that was killing me. That reason was I was addicted. I wasn't only addicted to substances; I was addicted to that way of life. However, I didn't know any other way to live clean.

I didn't know anything about myself and didn't know why I depended on substances so much. I wanted to stop, but I didn't feel I needed to change as a person and could continue doing what I always did, causing carnage around me!

I was left with this raw person I had created, which needed substances, which wasn't the real me. When I was on alcohol, It wasn't me anymore; I was creating a version of myself that I could stand in front of the mirror and lie to. 

I had created this person due to the lack of self-esteem, low self-confidence and self-worth I had when not using. I thought the substances gave me a release, but they actually caused me to feel that way in the first place.

I began being the party boy when I was 15, took all the party drugs and went straight through to the age of 33 without  hardly missing a weekend session. It was what I deemed the norm.

As time went on those weekends eventually turned into using daily, then it switched into using at work, as I couldn't get through the morning, never mind waiting until 4 pm when I finished.

I then became unemployable. I had been suffering from addiction for many years, but I didn't realise it because I worked. I earned my own money.

I had begun relying on alcohol to make choices, make decisions. Then it became every choice, and every decision I had to make would be made while using.  This reliance had turned into a dependence. I had crossed an invisible line.

The choices I made were of an intoxicated mind, and the outcomes weren't what people would call the 'right choice'.

This disease affects your thinking, and my thoughts always turned to substance use and justified it. I didn't see the problem, so it was OK.

I was keeping myself in denial, and I not only suffered because of it, others I crossed paths with suffered too. I just had to get to the final part of the addiction for me to finally realise it.

Ians' story also appears in 'The Comeback' a recovery film we produced recently in Grimsby...

Ian in the 'Recovery' film we recently made in Grimsby.

A year passed in recovery, I survived the relapses and decided to get clean for the last time and was invited to The Comeback.

When I first walked in the door, the welcome was massive for me, hugs all around and that was really special.

We had conversations, I held back a little because of my trust issues, but I got a sense of belonging, there was something in that room, surrounded by these people, that was the same as me, I felt safe, not judged, and I could be myself.

I was a confused boy. However, I could be that confused boy in there and not be judged by the others. It was when I left the first meeting that I made a promise to myself that I would return.

Coupled with my recovery programme, The Comeback has been an enormous part of my recovery.

The people skills I have learned, the trust I have gained from others, and the ability to trust others, the kind caring nature I have developed is far beyond any expectations I had.

Today, with my desire to stop using, wanting recovery and wanting to change, I have gone through a complete personality shift.

I am awake today; I see all the things I couldn't see before due to addiction. My behaviours, patterns, defects and internal issues are all out there for me to see and deal with.

I thought I was a bad person, full of hate, anger and didn't trust anyone, but I have now discovered that it was due to addiction, and I have bags of assets at my disposal. 

I have a relationship with myself today; I like and love who I am today.

I can achieve anything I set out to do, and that is what I am in the process of doing. I no longer want; I now strive to get. 

I have goals and aspirations of who I want to be, and they are all achievable when we break the chains of active addiction.

I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. I see the beauty of what is around us, things that we usually just walk past. I know what I took for granted before.

My life has changed massively; I'm so grateful for finding recovery. I would be dead now if I'd carried on, no doubt about it.

Today I am alive, and I am free.

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