Our Initiatives

'Art in Recovery' Workshops

Ian

One of our members dedicated and determined to break his addiction, Ian has kindly taken this opportunity to share his story and his feedback, in the hope that it may inspire others to seek help and get support for themselves.

Read Ian's Story

Hi, my name is Ian, and I am in recovery from substance misuse. 


I have been in recovery since July 3rd 2018. I found it really hard to begin with and have had my struggles throughout my time in recovery.


I staggered into recovery broken, not thinking there was life beyond the existence I was just living.


I had attempted to commit suicide several times but couldn't go through with it. I found clean/sober life hard and struggled through the mornings and days.


For some reason, I missed the life that was killing me. That reason was I was addicted.


I wasn't only addicted to substances; I was addicted to that way of life.

Ian hosts his first podcast. WARNING! Please listen with caution as contains sensitive material and possible triggers.

However, I didn't know any other way to live clean.


I wanted to stop, but I didn't feel I needed to change as a person and could continue doing what I have always done, cause carnage!


I didn't know anything about myself and didn't know why I depended on substances so much.


I was left with this raw person I had created, which needed substances, which wasn't the real me.


I created this person due to a lack of self-esteem, low self-confidence and self-worth I had when not using.


I thought the substances gave me a release but actually caused me to feel that way in the first place.

"I hated who I was and could not have a relationship with myself.


I couldn't even look myself in the mirror without being on alcohol, as I didn't like what I saw.


However, when on alcohol, It wasn't me anymore. I was creating a version of myself, that I could stand in front of the mirror and lie to".


I was involved in a very vicious cycle of addiction.

When I was on alcohol, It wasn't me anymore; I was creating a version of myself that I could stand in front of the mirror and lie to. 

My primary choice of substance was alcohol; however, I have used other substances, and on these relapses, I went to the extreme, I took anything I could get. I craved attention from any place I could get it; I couldn't do with being alone. 


I hated who I was and could not have a relationship with myself. When on alcohol, It wasn't me anymore; I was a creating a version of myself that I could stand in front of the mirror and lie to. 


I began being the party boy when I was 15, took all the party drugs and went straight through to the age of 33 with hardly missing a weekend session. It was what I deemed the norm.


As time went on those weekends eventually turned into using daily, then it switched into using at work, as I couldn't get through the morning, never mind waiting until 4 pm when I finished.


I then became unemployable. I had been suffering from addiction for many years, but I didn't realise it because I worked. I earned my own money.

That right there is what kept me in denial, and I not only suffered because of it, others I crossed paths with suffered too. I just had to get to the final part of the addiction for me to finally realise it.


I began relying on alcohol to make choices, make decisions. Then it became every choice, and every decision I had to make would be made while using.


The choices I made were of an intoxicated mind, and the outcomes weren't what people would call, the right choice. This reliance then turned into dependence. I had crossed an invisible line.


This disease affects your thinking, and my thoughts always turned to substance use and justified it. I didn't see the problem, so it was OK.

Addiction is progressive; it starts off all fun and games, then it consumes your whole life, as it did with me.

"I have relapsed while in recovery, they were lengthy, very dark and painful relapses and I was fighting for my life each time".

A year passed in recovery; I survived the relapses, decided to get clean for the last time and was invited to the Comeback.


When I first walked in the door, the welcome was massive for me, hugs all around and that was really special.


We had conversations, I held back a little because of my trust issues, but I got a sense of belonging, there was something in that room, surrounded by these people, that was the same as me, I felt safe, not judged, and I could be myself.


I was a confused boy. However, I could be that confused boy in there and not be judged by the others. It was when I left the first meeting that I made a promise to myself that I would return.


Coupled with my recovery programme, 'The Comeback' has been an enormous part of my recovery. The people skills I have learned, the trust I have gained from others, and the ability to trust others, the kind caring nature I have developed is far beyond any expectations I had.


Today, with my desire to stop using, wanting recovery and wanting to change, I have gone through a complete personality shift.

Ian and members of The Comeback 'Recovery Committee'.

"I was a confused boy; however, I could be that confused boy in there and not be judged by others. It was when I left that first meeting that I made a promise to myself that I would return".

Ian helps to run the breakfast club for members on a Friday before the Art Classes start. He's also a regular speaker on our 'Underdog Arts' Podcast.

I am awake today; I see all the things I couldn't see before due to addiction. My behaviours, patterns, defects and internal issues are all outed.


I thought I was a bad person, full of hate, anger and didn't trust anyone, but I have now discovered that it was due to addiction, and I have bags of assets at my disposal. 


I have a relationship with myself today; I like and love who I am today.


I have goals and aspirations of who I want to be, and they are all achievable when we break the chains of active addiction.


I can achieve anything I set out to do, and that is what I am in the process of doing. I no longer want; I now strive to get. 


I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. I see the beauty of what is around us, things that we usually just walk past. I know what I took for granted before.


My life has changed massively; I'm so grateful for finding recovery. I would be dead now if I carried on, no doubt about it.


Today I am alive, and I am free.

Recovery is there for anyone that wants it.

Just take it; be free.

Get Support

You can contact us directly if you want to talk through any issues you're having.

This number is manned during opening hours only. Mon to Fri 10am to 3pm.

Share by: